Sunday, August 23, 2009

1 Week until school

I can't believe it's that time already-- Is summer really almost over?? My kids are excited to go back to school, although I don't think they realize that they will be away from Mommy for 7 hours a day. I've always stayed home with them and loved our time together. Autumn, who will be 8 next month has struggled with separation anxiety the past two years and even begs me to home school her.... LOL, and I do mean LOL. There is NO way I could be disciplined enough to home school my kids, not to mention I really think they need the social interaction of their peers and a teacher, which I am NOT!
This will be Thomas and Fasika's first year of full-time school. Fasika is soo independent I am not at all worried about her. Thomas on the other hand is a TOTAL mommy's boy and I am afraid he will have a difficult time with this transition. He's even worried about missing his puppy, Beef! They are truly best buddies and have been since Beef joined our family more than a year ago!! Thomas and Fasika will be in the same class with the same teacher. I was unsure if I should place them together or separate them. I talked to them about it and their pre-school teacher and we all decided that they would do best together. Thomas and Fasika are buddies and really have a blast playing with each other. They are very protective of each other, sometimes too protective! Just the other day Fasika was playing on the floor with one of her friends when her friend ripped her favorite baby doll right out of her hands.... Fasika said "Tommy John, Kaylee took my toy" Thomas walked over and demanded Kaylee to "GIVE IT BACK" or he would have to take it from her. Kaylee obeyed, Fasika said "thanks handsome boy" Thomas looked back as he walked away and said "Now be nice to my Sista!" LOL, it was sooo cute.

AND did I forget to mention that the thought of getting 3 kids, PLUS my husband ready for school/work and out the door on time terrifies me!! I don't want mornings to be chaos, I don't want any yelling, I don't want any fighting. I want to send them off for the day happy and smiling and prepared. I do not want to send my kids to school unprepared. I'm afraid I will forget to pack sneakers on gym day, or books on library day, or a special toy on show & tell day, 3 snacks, 3 lunches, 3 water bottles, HOMEWORK ......oh and the list goes on. Organization is KEY, but when "Completely Organized Chaos" describes my family/life I am afraid that we are in for some rocky mornings!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Bitter sweet

I had to go birthday shopping for miss Fasika tonight-- I can't believe she's going to be 5 on Saturday, seriously I'm in shock. She seemed so little 15 months ago when we brought her home. She was even wearing size 2T clothing- she was just a little peanut- My little baby is going to be 5!! Well, it seems like she has just grown up overnight. She has come so far in the short 15 months we've been home. She now speaks perfect English (and has for more than 8 months), she has grown 6 1/2 inches and has gained 5 lbs, rides a bike, loves to go on sleep-overs, and is completely independent. Is it because I missed the 1st 3 1/2 years of her life that it feels like she's grown up so fast?

I sometimes think what it would have been like to hold her as an infant, to see her first smile, to watch her take her first steps, and have all those memories that I cherish so much with my bio kids. It comforts me to know that her mom was able to have those special memories with her. I sometimes feel guilty when I hear the sounds of Fasika's laughter, kiss her boo boo's, feel her soft skin, or hear her call me "mommy." I know her mom's heart is aching for her and would give anything to hold her again.

As her birthday is only 3 days away. I know her family is especially thinking of her during this time. As I plan Fasika's birthday party, a celebration that celebrates the miracle of life-- I know on this day, the day her mom who labored for hours and held her for the first time, the day her dad cried tears of joy to hold his baby daughter. Her mom told us that it was in the evening when Fasika was born, shortly after dinner. She said Fasika was a "big healthy baby" and that she gets her amazing out-going personality from her dad. She was so proud to tell us this story.

As I promised her mom, Fasika will ALWAYS know that she has a family in Africa who loves and misses her dearly. I have decided that we will pull out our video from our birth-family meeting and listen to her mom tell us the story about the day Fasika was born. I hope Fasika feels the love and happiness her mother felt during that time. It doesn't feel like it's enough, even though it's all I have. Why does my JOY have to be her GRIEF????
So.... Tonight, as I sit here, ready to wrap Fasika's birthday presents, I am torn. Torn between my joy of sharing my daughters 5th birthday with her and the sadness that her mom will not see the happiness and joy on her daughters face.
I came across this poem online and loved it:
My Child's Birthday
It's my child's birthday He just went dashing by His eyes are sparkling with the excitement meant only for today. Presents, kisses, hugs, cake, ice cream.
It all seems so natural. It's a day of looking back and looking forward.
It's my child's birthday But there is something different happening inside me.
This should be a day of complete joy A day for Thanksgiving But in the midst of all this excitement I pause, because my thoughts are about someone else for a time.
It's my child's birthday I have no memories of his life growing inside me and fighting to be released. Another someone was there Another someone suffered for my joy.
It's my child's birthday But someone, somewhere, is feeling emptiness inside.
I'm sure she is wondering Who he looks like If he is big or small. Wondering if he laughs much. It's my child's birthday And in the midst of this blessed day that was given to me I have a prayer. Oh God, that I may never forget that someone suffered so much to give life to my child. That someone loved my child so very much that she gave him the right to live.
May I never forget for a moment and especially now, today, to offer a prayer of thanks for that someone and that you, dear God, will always be there for that someone to help her through the hurts she will have when she stops to think that today is "my child's birthday."
© Unknown